Sister Marysa does a fantastic job of being positive and making the best of every thing. She has worked hard at bettering this strength........but like all us humans she has her challenges, and this week I decided if would be OK to share some of these challenges. Missions are HARD and it doesn't do anyone any favors (and there are many all over the world reading this blog) to pretend that missions are never challenging and only about the cool food, and scenery. So - here are some excerpts from some of Sis. Barfuss letters........
This week I had enough of my headaches. I started tracking them and found out that I had had one everyday for 2 weeks straight! I decided to ask the medical missionary for help. I have only had one migraine since I've been here and I slept it off just fine,... honestly it's not like my headaches have gotten worse, I'm just sick and tired of them because they make me irritable and want to be lazy and you can't be lazy in the mission!!
I called the senior sister in charge of medical and asked her for help. She referred me to a local LDS doctor and said that I should give him a call. He asked me a bazillion questions and then made all the recommendations that I've heard before in my life that haven't helped much. Basically I thought it was a waste of time for the first 15 minutes of the phone call. He gave me a few assignments (like to drink a gallon of water a day - man, I've learned to love water this week). Just when I thought the conversation was over and I thought that I was going to have to live with my headaches for the rest of my mission, he asked me another question out of the blue, "What is holding you back Sister Barfuss?"
.....Sorry what!? And then he asked me again. I was confused at first and he clarified. Then we had the most inspired conversation that I've had on my mission so far. I don't know how he knew that I was struggling with certain things, but he brought them all up and we talked it all out. He basically chastised me for not submitting my will to Heavenly Father fully and for not trusting Him with all my heart and mind. I bawled and bawled to him. We sorted through all the things that were holding me back and why, and then he said "Sister Barfuss, I have one more recommendation for you. Come home completely and utterly exhausted every single night. Get out of your car. Start walking. Let Heavenly Father hold all of your worries and your short comings, let Him! Give up your selfish will and enjoy His service every single day. Be proud of yourself.... And drink a gallon of water everyday!"
He gave me the best pep talk of my life and he has never even spoken to me before. That's the Spirit right there. I'm a little embarrassed to say that Heavenly Father has often had to "strike" me to get me to listen, but this is one of those times. I spent the whole week working on handing things over and trusting... I'm still trying as we speak, but the little bit that I've been able to do has been wonderful. I feel at peace, and that's a wonderful feeling. So my invitation to you is to let your will be swallowed up in the Lord's. What exactly does that mean for you? Ask Him! He'll take care of you. I know it. He's taking care of me :)
I love you to pieces :) I love you so much!
I drank the gallon everyday and it seemed to help some! Well something worked!! Because I went three days without a headache (unreal for me!!) so that was nice. I'm going to see how it helps in the future
HOLDING ME BACK
Honestly, for the last 5 months I've been in a "grin and bear it" mentality. Missionary work is soooo hard and it's very difficult for me to be motivated ALL the time. It's gotten to the point that I can't just "grin and bear it" anymore because it's too much. So essentially Doctor Todd talked to me about giving up my will to God and letting Him take some of the load. He talked to me about how I needed to stop trying to do what I wanted to be happy and to do the things that Heavenly Father wants me to do to be happy, because that's where true happiness lies.
I read some talks ("The Fourth Missionary" by Lawrence Corbridge, was my favorite) and I found that my main problem is that I didn't trust Heavenly Father enough to give Him my will.( Just a side note... another hard thing about a mission is that you are stuck with yourself all day... for instance, before the mission I would watch tv or hang out with friends when I didn't want to do the things I needed to do , but on the mission you HAVE to live in your guilt). I found out that I was happy, but not truly happy, I was finding happiness in my relationships with missionaries and the fun we were having. So now I know why I got transferred out of north zone, I was "stuck" in my false happiness. Heavenly Father had to rip me away from all my friends, investigators, and ward members and throw me into a new area to learn how to find happiness in Him. Trust me that everything is fine... but it's hard.
So here we go!
Missions are Beasts.